I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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