You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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