Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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