moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
This house was built for laser tag.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
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