I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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