my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
