I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
