My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
