So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
