I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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