Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
