From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
