i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
