Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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