Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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