Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
