I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
