I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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