Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
MIDGETS
????
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize