Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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