Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
