Already got asked if we're dating
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
