Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
NoShamevember. You game?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
