Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
