She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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