Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
