How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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