not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
