I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
