Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
