Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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