My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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