he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
