I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
