What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
