remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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