I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
