I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
