Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
