turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
