just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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