suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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