I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
