i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
