what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
