you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
