My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize