I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 609 share tweet
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
