my being single is dangerous.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
