I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize