i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
