THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
