I accidentally had phone sex last night
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize