Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm just crazy horny about you
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
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