I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
