I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
