you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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