Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
