using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
