atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize