life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
people are starting to question the shark bite story
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
