Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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