just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
