I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
